Here lately I’ve been doin’ some thinkin’. You see, thinkin’ is somethin’ I usually try to avoid ‘cause it brings up a lot of questions. Questions, of course, bring up more thinkin’, and too much thinkin’ causes all kinds of problems like stress and headaches. If one was wise, he’d just avoid it as much as he can.
Anyway, my thoughts were the result of a television program. I don’t recall just which program it was, but it had to do with dinosaurs and the reason for their disappearance. Have you ever thought about it? I mean, did Alley Oop and his clan love outdoor barbeques so much that they wiped out the T Rexes? Hey! I like a good t-bone steak, so a T Rex’s t-bone might have really hit the spot for ol’ Alley and his buddy Bud.
I’m inclined to believe Alley and Bud, and a really ticked-off polecat, created outdoor grillin’. You see, after Alley mistook the polecat for an alley cat and tried to tame it, Alley’s animal skin clothin’ – not to mention Alley hisself – now smelled a lot worse than a simple dead animal. As a result, Alley’s wife wouldn’t let him back in the cave so he was forced to cook his food outside. Both men learned from their experience, however, with Bud makin’ the most of it as his name is still associated with outdoor cookin’ today.
Although the episode made Bud wiser, the clan back in those days didn’t have the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries and game wardens to give ‘em a ticket if they killed too many Triceratops or Pterodactyls. Conservation never crossed their minds, so wipin’ out a species by overhuntin’ may be a valid cause.
Regardless, the television show was tellin’ how they thought some giant thingamajig fell outta the sky and caused the death of all the dinosaurs. They said a huge hemorrhoid hit the earth some millions of years ago and….. ‘scuse me? An asteroid? Oh. Did you see the same show?
Asteroid? Hemorrhoid? Ain’t a whole lotta difference if’n you ask me. Both can cause a heap of trouble. Okay, so an asteroid hit the earth and caused the destruction of the dinosaurs. At least, that’s what some scientists would have you believe.
However, there’s another theory from other scientists. Some believe dinosaurs still roam the earth; and ol’ Galen ain’t too sure they may not be right.
You see, the other theory is that dinosaurs evolved into today’s birds. Well, you gotta admit there may be somethin’ to it if you think about it. They both walked on two legs; they both laid eggs; and they both were good eatin’. How do I know dinosaurs were good eatin’? Ol’ Alley Oop’s uncle, who happened to be a Colonel in the caveman army of the day, was helpin’ Alley grill some prehistoric chickens when he accidentally dropped a couple of ‘em on the ground as he carried ‘em to the grill.
Since no one was lookin’ and the Colonel had taken in a little too much of the stuff that made Bud wiser, he picked the dirty birds up, pulled up a weed and brushed the dirt off’n the birds, and placed ‘em on the grill as if nothin’ had happened. Later and while everyone was eatin’, someone commented on how fantastic the chickenausaurus tasted. That was when the Colonel discovered the weed and grit was really special herbs and spices, which are still in use today by a descendent of Alley’s uncle. If I ain’t mistaken, the relative cookin’ ‘n sellin’ the tasty birds is a Colonel, too.
Now, I really cannot prove any of the above actually happened or not, but I do believe some dinosaurs actually evolved into today’s birds. For example, have you ever looked at an ostrich? I mean REALLY looked at one? Folks, if’n an ostrich ain’t descended from dinosaurs then I’m a monkey’s uncle.
If the television shows are correct in the way dinosaurs are portrayed, then there is a certain amount of credibility to the claim. Next opportunity you get, walk up to an ostrich and look ‘im in the eye. I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts you’ll see a T-Rex lookin’ back at you — there’s somethin’ in the eyes that kinda freaks you out.
Anyway, the dinosaurs are gone but the Colonel and Bud are still goin’ strong. I know most of you don’t give a hoot about the dinosaurs, but I bet you sure hope the other two never disappear!
Galen White is a columnist for the Bossier Press-Tribune. Visit bossierpress.com to see more from Galen.